Resistance Training
by SeaCatSD
Summary: Naruto's been lacking in certain aspects of his education, but when push comes to shove Tsunade knows just the kunoichi to fill in the gaps. NaruxAnko Mature Content/Slight crack/Slight AU
1. The Mission

**Disclaimer: All your base are belong to Kishimoto  
**Mature Content / Slight crack / Slight AU  
_Please check my bio and read my manifesto before flaming, thanks!_

Resistance Training

Chapter 1 - The mission

-----

"Anko, please come in and take a seat. I'll be right with you."

Anko's mouth snapped shut, so much for the grandiose production she planned on using to announce her presence, and the other woman still hadn't looked up from the paperwork she had her nose buried in. Senju Tsunade was the 5th Hokage for a reason after all.

If she was irritated at being detected trying to surprise her blond Hokage Anko didn't show it. Instead she threw on one of her trademark grins and marched into the office with a slight sway in her hips, surveying the office as she did so. Despite holding the rank of special jounin and being on relatively good terms with Tsunade, she rarely had the occasion to be called into the woman's office.

The most obvious feature in the room was the huge wooden desk dominating the center of the circular room. The desk was older than she was she knew, it was made of the finest woods of the 1st Hokage's era, and considering who he was that was saying something. The next thing she noticed was the simple wicker chair staged in front of the desk. It was set three feet away from the rectangular monolith, and there was even more empty space on the other three sides.

Being as well versed as she was in torture and interrogation techniques she understood the intention right away, sitting in that chair would inevitably cause the occupant to feel like they were on a stage, exposed as it were at the exact time when they were faced with the most intimidating person in the village. A tiny piece of psychological warfare set in place before any discussions or negotiations had even occurred.

Anko walked up and kicked the chair lazily, it slid forward until it was a more comfortable distance from her Hokage. She never broke stride and continued forward, settling comfortably into the relocated seat with a smile.

Tsunade looked up from the report she was reviewing with a smirk. Of the hundreds of visitors that made their way through her office each month she could count on one hand the ones with enough balls to move the chair. Other Kages would do it, the Fire lord, a few select heads of state … and one blond haired loudmouth.

She knew there was reason she liked Anko.

"So, I hear you have a special mission for me?" Anko asked. Tsunade nodded, causing Anko to lean forward with a widening grin, "Who do you need me to whack?"

Tsunade pouted, "Now Anko, don't tell me my predecessor got it stuck in your head that the only thing you're good for are assassinations?"

Anko snorted. "Oh hell no, I'm pretty much great at everything, but it just seems to bourgeois to brag. Although I suppose I can't lie in that I've always operated within a pretty specialized mission profile. But I just figured it was because I'm so damn good at it that the old man gave up trying to find anyone else with my combination of stunning good looks and lethal wit. I can also kill a man seventeen different ways with my pinky finger."

She wiggled the deadly digit for emphasis.

Tsunade snorted at the joke and grabbed for her sake bottle, "Well that's for sure, but to be honest I've got something for you that's ... quite a ways outside of your typical mission profile. You interested?"

Anko watched the blond produce a pair of cups for the sake and fill them both, now granted Tsunade was a different breed than the old man but getting her drunk to take a mission? She wasn't sure if she wanted any part of whatever the other woman was cooking up but she sure as hell wasn't going to leave before finding out, nor turn down free sake. "OK, you've got my attention, what's up?" she asked, accepting the offered drink.

"Well," Tsunade said, pausing a moment to down her shot, "I happen to have a mission on my docket that the kunoichi I would normally assign refused to accept. The snide little bitch even said I should assign the mission to you." Anko drained her own cup and frowned, she didn't like the sound of that but decided not to interrupt. "It was obviously meant as an insult to you and to the person this mission revolves around, a person I happen to care for a great deal."

"How is she?"

"Full recovery in six to eight weeks," Tsunade answered casually. "But she got me thinking, why _not _Anko? And then when I checked up on your profile I found out something very interesting indeed, it seems you've been specifically barred from performing these kinds of missions without your knowledge."

"What?" Anko blurted out. "What the hell? By whose orders? On what grounds? This is bull -"

"Anko," Tsunade interrupted her, "you you haven't even asked what the mission is about yet, I could be talking about rectal exams for the elderly."

Anko wrinkled her nose in disgust, "Aww Tsunade! Now I'm going to have to go poke out my mind's eye!"

This brought a hearty chuckle from the blond, "Ah ha! So I finally found your weakness, duly noted. You know Anko, someday you're gonna need someone to take care of you in your old age."

"Che, I don't think so. That's why I became a kunoichi in the first place, soon as it looks like I can't wipe my own ass I'm going right out to find somebody to stab me through the heart. Shouldn't be difficult, I do have a lot of enemies ..." she said, drifting off as if mentally taking the tally.

"You and me both."

"Alright, alright, enough of this nasty side-bar. So what's this mission profile I was so unjustifiably blackballed from and why?"

Tsunade refilled both their shot glasses and picked hers up, holding it out toward Anko. Catching on she picked up her own and the blond Hokage clicked the tiny porcelain cups together in a toast, "Resistance training," she said with a smile and downed her second.

Anko nearly dropped her glass, "Resistance training!" she squealed. "I've always wanted to do that!"

"I can tell, it seems your _abundance_ of enthusiasm combined with your reputation as being a bit on the wild side were apparently why you got blacklisted in the first place."

_'Not to mention the thirty seven pre-emptive letters of complaint from concerned mothers ..._'

"But that's not fair, I thought teachers were supposed to be excited to teach! How could they keep me out over such a stupid misconception!"

Tsunade had to bite back a laugh as Anko attempted to appear incredulous. "Now, now Anko, that's all in the past. I'm in charge now and things have changed, so welcome aboard!"

Anko could barely contain her glee, "Oh thank you Hokage-sama! I promise I won't let you down, so who's my first victim!"

"Anko, you will behave yourself and perform this mission with the utmost professionalism, got it?"

Anko nodded vigorously, "I promise, I'm just excited! I'll act one hundred and ten percent professional but I have to warn you, I _might _secretly enjoy this assignment." Despite herself Anko couldn't wipe the girlish grin off of her face.

Tsunade just grinned and shook her head, "Well I guess I should thankful then, but you realize that you still haven't heard the details of this particular mission, or in this case, the identity of your victim."

Anko froze, that was a hell of a good point. If the other kunoichi were unwilling to train this bastard just what the hell was wrong with him? And the Hokage did say this person was someone very important to her, so what did that mean? Suddenly Anko found herself saying a little prayer to Kami that this wasn't as bad as it sounded like it could be, "Uh, please tell me it's not one of those bug kids Tsunade-sama, I don't think I could handle that."

Tsunade's face scrunched up at the thought, "Oh gross! No-no-no, they handle their own training in this area, thank Kami ..." She saw the look of relief wash over her subordinate's face but she was obviously still concerned as to why the other women had refused. Tsunade sighed inwardly, hopefully Anko would validate her trust and not let her down here, if anyone could understand what is was like to be unfairly judged it was Anko.

"So I guess you want to know who your student will be?" Anko only nodded but Tsunade could tell she wanted to add _'If I accept'_ to the end of that sentence. That she didn't say it earned her an extra point of respect in Tsunade's book. "As I said, it's someone who is .. special. Both to this village and to me personally. I'll expect you to take good care of him and train him well, he's going to be a big target in the future so this training is actually vitally important for his development."

Anko was on the edge of her seat, how long was she going to drag this out? "Spit it out already!"

"Naruto Uzumaki."

Anko blinked. "_The_ Naruto Uzumaki? You mean the one with the -" she gestured wildly around her stomach with her hands.

Tsunade quirked an eyebrow, "Yes, the one with the Kyuubi sealed inside of him," she said tensely. There, it was out. Now the question was how would Anko react …

"…"

"…"

"That's so fucking _HOT_! Hey, hey, do you have a picture of him?" Anko asked giddily. "You know, just to help in locating him of course," she added at the last second.

Tsunade's grin threatened to split her face. She quickly produced the latest profile photo of her favorite blond.

Taking it in hand the purple haired jounin whistled, "You know what? He kinda looks like a little Yondi!" If Tsunade was taken by surprise by the freakishly spot on analysis she didn't let it show. "I always had a crush on that guy, to bad I was a little too young to make a move before ... well, you know."

Tsunade cleared her throat, best not to let the kunoichi ponder too long on this line of thought. "So, are you in?"

Anko nodded so vigorously Tsunade thought she might hurt herself, "This beats assassination any day of the week and twice on Sundays. Just think, Anko Mitarashi, trained herself a demon!"

"He's not a demon!" Tsunade snapped.

Anko leaned over the table with a twinkle in her eye and winked, "How will I know until I've checked?"

Tsunade instantly blushed a deep red. "Anko! Don't you dare corrupt my Naruto-kun! He's practically my adopted son."

"Naruto-kun huh? Blond hair, blue eyes, and that smile. Maybe if I close my eyes I can even pretend you're my dream man!" Anko sighed, clutching the photo to her chest in mock dramatics.

"Dream man? Who's you're dream man?"

"I already told you," Anko replied quickly.

"Who, his father?"

Time stopped for both women, as the realization of what she just let slip dawned on the Hokage she turned her traitorous eyes on the only other human being in the room … and found Anko was staring right back at her with the most frightening smile on her face that she'd ever seen.

It's not often that a Kage gets outmaneuvered by anyone, but despite herself she had no idea how Anko covered the ground between them without her seeing anything. The special jounin magically appeared to her right, bowing with her hands on Tsunade's knees. She was looking up at Tsunade with huge brown orbs that would put the next cutest creature on the planet to shame. "Oh thank you Tsunade-sama! I promise I'll train little Yondi good and make you proud!" she cried out.

Tsunade slapped a hand over the other woman's mouth, "Ssshh! Damn it Anko, how the hell did you do that? That was a fucking S class secret I just blurted out and you're now bound by that clearance, you got it? Even Naruto doesn't know yet!"

Anko nodded in understanding and Tsunade let her go. The purple haired jounin stood up silently and walked back to her chair trying to assemble everything she knew about the young blond. Naruto Uzumaki. Vessel of the greatest demon ever known, pure power on par with the Hokages themselves, loudest and most annoying nin ever born, nemesis to all hair care products that would seek to tame and manage, and the most notorious prankster to ever graduate from Konoha's shinobi academy. She'd heard the ANBU black ops squads were still trying to collect on him for what he did to their first of the month bagel day last March. _NO ONE_ fucked with the ANBU's bagel day and lived to tell about it, except for him.

And now she discovers that this burgeoning hottie is flesh and blood to the most scorchingly hot super stud who ever lived? _'Oh this is just too good, I may not have been able to get you my Hokage, but I will get your little Naruto_!'

"Anko, I can see that look on your face. You are _not_ to rape my genin."

Anko smiled brightly, "I would never! But as I understand it, it's my job to get him to rape me!"

"Try to rape you, '_try'_ being the operative word. You're not supposed to actually let him rape you."

"Uh huh, can I go?"

"Sure," Tsunade sighed. Anko vanished without a trace. "Well, I guess he had to grow up sometime. Better not turn out like Jiraiya or I'm gonna kill them both," she mumbled.

-----

"Hey what the hell? I thought we agreed to no ninjutsu teme!"

"Stop your crying dobe, if you paid more attention to what was behind you it wouldn't have mattered."

Kakashi looked up from his porn and sighed, those two were never going to change, ever. Thank Kami that all the bickering they engaged in here at home didn't seem to translate to bickering in the field, at least not once the fighting started.

"Will you two shut the hell up! I'm trying to study this scroll over here and I can't concentrate with all your whining!" Sakura shouted from underneath a nearby tree.

Naruto whipped around and pouted, "But Sakura-chaaaaaan, he cheated!"

Inexorably, Sakura was drawn into the argument and soon all three of his students were yelling at each other. He supposed he could break it up, but that would take effort and it was just so hot out today. No, the best thing he could do was set a good example and act like a calm, rational adult, and read his porn in the shade.

"What's up Cyclops?" a friendly voice asked from behind him.

Kakashi had to fight the reflex to whip himself around and look stupid. He was an elite, and was not used to being snuck up on. '_Either I'm getting lazy, or whoever's behind is someone I should be very afraid of._'

He turned his head as non-chalantly as he could manage only to find the last person he could have possibly expected. Special Jounin Anko Mitarashi had draped herself across his back and was grinning like a predator at him over his shoulder.

'_Ok then, afraid it is._'

She stuck a finger out and pointed at a paragraph in his book, "Oh, I like that part. I've found it works best with four people though, not three. Wouldn't you agree Kaka-kun?" she purred in his ear.

The one eyed nin struggled to maintain his composure at the mental image that popped into his head but he couldn't help from keeping every square centimeter of exposed skin from turning beet red. "Ah, Y-yeah I guess, I haven't really … well, of course I would hope t-that uh -"

A rough hand grabbed his cheek and pinched hard, "Awww, Little Kaka-kun is all flustered! How cute!"

Clearing his throat, he put his book away and turned around to face this very real threat to his reputation. A quick glance told him she hadn't changed much over the last few years, she still dressed as provocatively as possible without actually breaking the law, and if what she whispered in his ear was any indication she still had quite the wild side. "So Anko, I haven't seen you in quite some time, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Your students," she replied, casting a glance over at the ongoing melee. "Or at least one student in particular, I need to borrow little Naru-kun for a few days."

'_Naru-kun?' _His one visible eye registered its second shock of the minute. "Oh? And what would you need him for?"

"Training."

"Anko, just because Naruto has special healing attributes doesn't mean you get to use him as a target dummy for some new technique," Kakashi scolded dryly.

Anko frowned in annoyance, "Not for me you jackass, it's for him and - wait, did you say special healing attributes?"

Kakashi winced. '_Whoops, sorry about that Naruto._'

Anko's eye's were glazed over as she appeared to be day dreaming about something that made her disturbingly happy. Kakashi's sensitive ears distinctly heard her murmuring to herself about "- _endless possibilities._"

A shiver went up his spine, something about this just didn't feel right, and handing off someone like Naruto to someone like Anko, well, that was just asking for trouble. He was about to say exactly that when a loud voice cut him off. "Hey! Who the hell is that lady talking to Kakashi-sensei? She even got him to put away his book!" Not a moment later there was an orange blur standing next to him looking Anko up and down with a critical eye.

She smiled and put on a little pose. "Well hello there…"

"Hmmm, I don't know Kakashi-sensei, this lady looks familiar to me but I just can't put my finger on it. I don't think you should trust her!" Naruto proclaimed.

Kakashi could feel the sweat forming on his brow, there was no way this was going to end well. It was like physics, it was inevitable.

Anko scowled and tried not to look to deflated at the blond not recognizing her from his chuunin exam. Didn't she single him out that morning just to make point to the other entrants? Hell, he could have at least gawked at her body, even with the jacket on she was showing enough cleavage to hide a sword. "Well the old lady trusts me so you should too."

"The old lady? Are you talking about Baa-chan? Oi Kakashi-sensei, is she talking about Baa-chan?"

"Uh, yes Naruto, she's talking about the Hokage," he replied calmly. Sasuke and Sakura arrived at that moment and joined the blond in looking at their teacher expectantly. He turned his attention back to Anko, "So, why is it that the Hokage thinks you can train Naruto here better than I can?" he asked.

Anko tried to answer but was cut off by another loud, annoying sound. "No way! Nobody's a better teacher than you Kakashi-sensei! Anything she can teach me I'll bet you can teach me a hundred times better!" Naruto yelled.

A fist connected with the back of the blond's head only a fraction of a second later, "Baka! You don't have to yell, we're all standing right here!" Sakura yelled even louder.

Anko could feel her already tenuous grip on her temper slipping away the pinky and the blond proceeded to enter into what looked like a well rehearsed shouting match. '_What is she bitching about?_ _That fucking girl is louder than he is!_'

"Both of you shut the fuck up! The next person that screams in my ear is getting a kunai up their ass, got it?" Anko growled. She laced her threat with a healthy dose of killing intent just to get the point across.

Every member of team seven quickly silenced themselves and nodded yes, Kakashi included. Naruto actually sat down. She took a step forward and dragged Naruto up by the front of his jacket, "Now listen up you little shit, I'm no one to be trifled with you hear me? If you have any doubts about my abilities then why don't you ask your sensei over there if he wants to go a round with me right now?"

Naruto was flabbergasted, he slowly turned his wide eyes to his sensei seeking some form of help only to find said man shaking his head in silent warning. A quick glance revealed that his teammates were going to be similarly useless. Gulping, Naruto turned back to face the terrifying woman. "I believe you," he whispered.

Anko let him go and stood back, "Good, and besides, this is a special kind of training that I don't think Kakashi is exactly willing to give you, _but_ _I_ _am…_" she purred, trailing a finger down his chest.

Naruto's mood instantly brightened, "Special training? That's great, now I'll finally be able to show Sasuke-teme who's the greatest!" He stuck his tongue out at the Uhciha and received a prompt "hn" in return.

"Hey wait just one minute!" Sakura chimed in, finding just enough backbone to speak up, "why is Naruto going to receive special training and not us? I don't think that's fair, I think Anko-senpai should train all of us at the same time."

Kakashi grabbed the pink haired genin by the shoulder, "Now, now Sakura, why don't you just calm down a bit. Anko, exactly what kind of training are we talking about here?"

Anko was leering at the younger kunoichi in a way that was making Sakura feel less and less sure that drawing attention to herself in the presence of this woman was a good idea to begin with. "All of you at the same time huh?" she said thoughtfully licking her lips, "Now that has some potential."

Sakura took an involuntary step back but Sasuke was finally starting to show some real interest in the entire situation, just what was this psycho woman talking about?

"Uh, Anko? The training?" Kakashi repeated. "What is it?"

Anko replied with a raised eyebrow and a wistful expression that Kakashi interpreted as something along the lines of '_Do you really have to fucking ask?_' He ran through the checklist in his mind of what she'd already said and several clues began to stand out:

- Anko wanted Naruto alone.

- She said Kakashi wouldn't _want_ to give him this training.

- Naruto was away with Jiraiya-sama for the last three years and the only male in his class that hadn't received …

Just as the truth became clear something happened that made the other members of team seven practically jump from their collective skins, Sasuke was laughing his ass off. They would all later remember it as the first and last time they had ever heard the normally morose teen give in to a full blown, from the gut, leaves you gasping for breath laugh.

"Hey what's so fucking funny teme?" Naruto growled after he got over the shock of Sasuke's outburst.

"Sasuke! What's gotten in to you?" Sakura scolded, having recovered from her own form of flight or fight.

Kakashi on the other hand was only staring at the seriously impatient kunoichi who was starting to twitch at her kunai holster, '_I can't believe that lucky little shit! This training is usually given at fourteen but Naruto wasn't here and missed out. I heard Jiraiya had tried to make up for it on the road at the gentlemen's clubs but could never get Naruto to cooperate, I thought that ought to be a pass in and of itself but I guess not. And to get Anko of all people! She's never trained anyone before, it's like finding a unicorn, no one's ever going to believe it!'_

"Resistance training," he said shaking his head. Anko nodded curtly.

"Resistance training, what's that?" Sakura asked, looking all around at the group trying to divine an answer from their expressions.

Sasuke was still shaking from barely controlled laughter, "You?" Sasuke asked Anko, "Are going to train - _him_?"

Anko shot the raven haired teen a look that could kill the undead, "You got something to say about it shit for brains?"

Sasuke only waved his hands up in a defensive gesture and turned around to leave, still chuckling in amusement. Sakura was about to say something else when he hooked her arm and pulled her away from the group, "Come on, I'll tell you later," he said. Sakura looked like she still wanted to fight about it but gave in to her lifetime crush and walked with him back to the training area.

Naruto was starting to feel like the butt of a joke and he didn't appreciate the feeling one bit. "Alright, what the hell is going on? And what's resistance training?"

He felt the hand of his sensei on his right shoulder and looked up to the man he'd trusted in for so long, "Naruto, I think it's best if you just go with Anko and let her explain the training, Ok?"

"But -"

"Naruto. Go with Anko, she's right, I'm not exactly the right person to be teaching you this particular lesson. You'll understand later," he added, seeing the disbelieving look in the blond's eyes.

"Let's get this show on road you two fairies, I don't have all damn day and the sooner we get started the sooner I can get started!" Anko cackled.

Naruto spun around with a red face and a raised fist, "Who are you calling fairies you grape haired bitch?!"

He never saw the kunai that split his cheek open.

"Argh!" he screamed falling backwards. When he landed on his butt he stared up at his attacker with recognition spreading across his face, "Oh Kami I remember you, from the exams! Why do always have throw kunai at my face?"

Faster than he could see she was straddling him on the ground and cupping his head in her hands. He went rigid at the unexpected contact, and could only stare into her brown eyes as she brought her face down close to his. "Because you never know when to shut the fuck up, that's why. But don't worry my little Naru-kun, I'm going to teach you all about the proper usage of your mouth," she whispered huskily.

Naruto could feel his pulse race as her words filtered into his brain.

"Deja-vu, _Naru-kun_ ..."

His memory flashed back to their first meeting at the gates of the forest of death. Almost this exact same thing happen then too he realized, she grazed his cheek with the a kunai just as she did moments ago, and then she ... '_Oh shit_'

Anko proceeded to run her tongue across the fresh cut with a low moan, taking care to lap up as much of his delicious blood as she possibly could. She wore a lecherous grin as she felt him shutter underneath her, and finished her cleaning with a soft, wet kiss on his cheek.

"Hey! What the fuck is she doing to him?!" Sakura screamed from the other side of the clearing where Sasuke had dragged her. Fortunately for everyone he was able to hold her back while taking only minimal damage.

Feeling all eyes on her Anko straightened up and ran her tongue across red stained lips, savoring the taste of Naruto's blood. "Spicy, I like that," she cooed.

Naruto paled once he realized what she was referring to and Kakashi turned to one side realizing he was starting to get aroused. '_Kami_, _I wonder if I can get her to re-up my training when she's done with him? Ah! Bad Kakashi, just get them out of here before she does something even worse!_'

"Uh, Naruto? You're Anko's for the next few days until this supplemental training is over, just go with her and for the love of Kami please be polite, I'd like to see you again someday."

Naruto was in hell, he couldn't ever remember being more confused about anything in his life than he was at that moment. He had to admit, there was something very, very, _very_ tantalizing about the woman currently sitting on him, and the way her silky thighs wrapped around his body - '_Kami, sooooo warm!_' - set his senses on fire.

But even he knew this bitch was crazy.

Plus she scared the crap out of him. "But Kakashi sensei, can't I just stay here and have you train me?" he whined.

"Sorry Naruto, I don't swing that way. How long do you think you'll need Anko?"

Anko looked down at her frightened genin and couldn't help but get lost a little bit in his pleading blue eyes, '_So much like his …_'

"Don't wait up," she whispered.

Kakashi's visible eyebrow raised, "Right, just bring back what's left of him when you're done."

-----

**Authors Notes:**

5/25/09 - Slight update, I didn't change anything, I've just cleaned up a few bits here and there that I didn't like.

6/9/09 - More house cleaning, fixed up some dialog I never liked.


	2. The Failed Escape

**Disclaimer: All your base are belong to Kishimoto  
**_Mature Content / AU_**  
**_Please check my bio and read my manifesto before flaming, thanks!_

Resistance Training

Chapter 2 - The Failed Escape

-----

"Ok, so what the hell is Resistance training?"

Sakura both looked and sounded exasperated. Her normally immaculate hair was askew, stray strands sticking out at odd angles from having run her careless hand through it so many times. The frustrated expression she wore simply screamed, '_I'm both confused and pissed! Hell, I'm even vaguely confounded about being both confused and pissed so don't freakin ask!_'. That, and her face was still slightly flush from the tantrum she'd thrown a few minutes ago forcing them to break from their normal training schedule and take an early lunch.

Both Sasuke and Kakashi had been thoroughly enjoying teasing Sakura about her little 'episode' that morning when Anko had come by to pick up Naruto. It was actually a little bit puzzling to both of them as to why the pink haired kunoichi would even give a damn.

To hear her tell it she couldn't stand the blond loudmouth. She thought Naruto Uzumaki was an idiot, a spaz, and the general bane of her existence. So what was with the jealously parade all the sudden?

Sasuke would have answered her question but he was still chewing on his rice ball. Realizing the question was not rhetorical and indeed meant for him by the burning glare his pink haired teammate was now shooting his way, the broody boy held his hand up with the index finger extended in the universal, '_I'm eating, hold on just one sec…_' position. She waited patiently as he finished, or at least as patiently as an extremely impatient young kunoichi could reasonably be expected to wait. She was actually already reaching for her combat gloves so she could deck him when Sasuke did in fact swallow and attempt to speak.

That's when a look of shock washed over his face, followed by a sort of hopeful disbelief, and then something closer to mildly managed fear. Without further explanation the Uchiha made a mad grab for his soda. He tried to suck on the straw and appeared to fail, then tore the lid off of his drink in a near panic and poured a cupful of ice into his open mouth. Sadly, he'd already polished off the drink.

Sakura watched the scene with an ever increasing sense of anger, they'd been pulling this crap all morning! Every time she asked them something about Naruto's training they came up with some wise ass remark. Kakashi claimed she was jealous that she was the last ninja on her block to be learning about Konoha's secret face licking techniques, and Sasuke had already feigned death three different times simply to avoid answering her questions. And even though that genjutsu bit about the panda that killed him with its pinky hold attack _was pretty funny (Ski-dush! Honestly where did he come up with that?)_, enough was enough damn it!

"Oh God damn it, screw you Sasuke! Kakashi, what the hell is resistance training?!" she demanded. "Obviously Sasuke isn't going to be any damn help, he's too busy being an ass!"

"Hmmm?" Kakashi peered over his ever present book and took in the scene unfolding before him. "Uh Sakura, aren't you gonna … ?" he asked pensively, gesturing in the direction of a bluish gray Uchiha who was now waving his arms around in a state of utter panic.

"What?!" she growled menacingly. "I'm sick of waiting for his lame excuses not to answer me! So now you're gonna tell me or somebody who's not me is gonna get hurt!"

"Uh, I seriously think he's chok-"

"I mean now, _**sensei**_."

Kakashi cringed, that was one hell of an intimidating aura his little kunoichi was generated there, and where did that lightning in the background come from? He made a mental note to ask Gai if he'd been teaching his students any of his weirder techniques. "Ah, right then, resistance training it is," he said clearing his throat. "Sakura, do you know what courtesan training is?"

She nodded her head, of course she knew what courtesan training was! Every Kunoichi knew about that, and if her parents weren't such stuck up prudes she would have taken that elective years ago! Damn it, just one more thing for Ino-pig to hold over her forehe-, ah, head. Of course that slut got to go, and she just couldn't wait to tell all the other girls about getting to see naughty parts, in the flesh! Shit, three years later and Sakura still hadn't seen any one's naughty parts! Well, she changed a baby once on a D ranked mission but she was pretty sure that didn't count.

Damn Sasuke and his frigidness. That theory of Shikamaru's was getting harder and harder to dismiss.

But if there was one thing she'd learned from her blond moron teammate it was that you didn't give up, and she hadn't. In three more months she'd be a legal adult and sign up for courtesan training anyway, her parents opinions be damned! Then little Miss Kudo in room 403 on south campus B would have her greatest student ever starting on July 5th! And she'd get to see all those naught parts (grown up that is) on days seventeen, twenty three, and forty two. At least that's what the lesson plan she'd accidentally stumbled across in that locked drawer said. '_Mmmmm, naughty parts …_'

"Courtesan training? Um, I heard one of the other girls mention it in passing I guess …"

"Riiiiiiiight … hey Sakura? Would you mind not touching yourself like that? It's kinda throwing me off here."

"Oh! Sorry, please continue."

"Thanks. Well anyway, resistance training is opposite of that, get it?" Kakashi's visible eye curved upward in a happy smile.

She stared at him with a look of utter disbelief, "Are you kidding me?! _THAT'S_ your answer? You didn't even say anyth - damn it Sasuke, get off of me!" she yelled, fending off the boy who was now yanking on her arm in a furious attempt to get her attention.

"I think he wants your drink," Kakashi pointed out. "Might have something to do with the weird blue-ish color he's turning."

"Fine, here take it you selfish bastard! Now where was I? Oh yeah, you didn't even say anything! This is like the time we first meet you and you were supposed to tell us about yourself and all you ended up telling us was your name!" she shouted.

Kakashi sighed behind his mask, it made so much sense to him when he said it too. "Look Sakura, honestly I'm probably not the best person to be asking about this stuff anyway."

"And why not? You went through this training didn't you?"

"Well yes I did," he said, pausing for a moment. "But the thing is I never actually passed!"

Sakura completely face faulted. "What? You mean Naruto's going through training that you couldn't get through?" she asked dumbfounded. Kakashi was a jounin and a legend! Naruto was certainly the number one most unpredictable ninja in village but what hope could he possibly have if even the copy ninja Kakashi couldn't manage?

"Yeah, they put me through it three different times, each time with a different instructor of course. That last one was even kind of … big boned I guess you could say. I'm not sure why they thought it would matter to be honest." Kakashi scratched his chin thoughtfully, as if reliving some long distant memory.

"But in the end it was still too much for me and I failed every time, but I guess nobody's perfect eh?" he asked a bit sheepishly.

Sakura went for her combat gloves again but she was cut off by a desperate sound to her right.

"GAAAH! Wha chu he maat er wiit oi!" Sasuke wheezed loudly, clearly upset.

"What was that Sasuke?" Kakashi asked casually.

Sasuke pounded his chest and took in a huge gulp of air as though he hadn't tasted the stuff in a very long time, which he hadn't. "I said what the hell's the matter with you two?! Didn't either of you see me choking just now? I could have died!"

"It was funny this morning Sasuke, but now you're just being annoying," Sakura snapped.

"B-But I wasn't joking, I was choking on my riceball!"

"A riceball?" she growled, "Could you be any more of a drama queen? Is that a splinter? Maybe we should pull you off of active duty until you recover!"

Sasuke looked like someone kicked his puppy. He realized that everyone else in the restaurant was staring now and settled for sinking down into his seat and making himself as small as humanly possible. Sakura huffed and stood up from the table.

"Where are you going?" Sasuke asked sadly, sipping at the soda that just saved his life.

"To go save Naruto that's where! You two obviously think this is all funny as hell but I don't. I've heard things about that Anko woman and if she's administering training to Naruto that Kakashi-sensei couldn't make it through then he might be in some serious danger!"

Sasuke and Kakashi both looked at each other for a moment. Then they looked at Sakura. Then looked at each other again. Then they burst out laughing.

"_BAKA's_!" she screamed, and stormed off down the street.

Kakashi fought back his giggle fit and watched his little kunoichi marching away, he realized he was going to have to stop her before she went and did something stupid like come in between Anko Mitarashi and whatever it was that had the special jounin's attention at the moment. Those kinds of actions tended to leave a person … less than whole.

"Well, I suppose one of us should go and stop her before she interrupts Naruto's training and gets herself hurt, or worse, causes poor Naruto to pass."

Sasuke snorted, "Good one Kakashi-sensei. I'll do it, I need to go find out from Sakura what kind of drink this was anyway, it's _really_ good. Plus it sounds like you're under-qualified for this mission, you failed this training three times, did you really?"

"Well I don't mean to brag but … yep!" Kakashi chuckled, scratching the back of his head.

Sasuke stood up from the table and shook his head disapprovingly, "So sad…"

"What?" Kakashi asked, starting to get a little confused. "Come on, everybody fails at least once."

"_UCHIHA_ … do not fail," Sasuke said with an air of finality. "I have it on good authority that I'm only the second shinobi in all of Konoha's history that passed with a _perfect score_. Not even Itachi can claim such a feat."

Kakashi didn't respond to this, in fact it looked more like he went into a state of paralysis or shock, or both. Sasuke allowed himself a smirk of smugness at his instructors obvious inferiority, truly he was on track to surpass them all one day, and then they would all bow down before his greatness! But he had more important things to do, like find out what was up with this drink! The raven haired boy took off down the street to track down his crazy pink haired teammate.

Kakashi's mind reeled as he watched the last member of team vanish into the crowds. A perfect score? Only the second? Who the hell was other one? And why would anyone want to --

"Oh crap," he muttered. "I never should have made that bet with Shikamaru."

-----

Anko practically skipped through the forest humming some ridiculously happy sounding tune to herself. Naruto shuffled along behind holding his right eye and most of that side of his head, staring daggers at the apparently oblivious woman's back.

"Crazy freakin_ …_"

"What was that Naru-kun?" she called back cheekily.

"N-Nothing Anko," he blurted out quickly. She turned her head and looked at him out of the corner of her batting eye.

"… sensei," he added quickly. The corner of her lips turned upward even more than they already were and she turned back around, still humming her little tune.

Naruto returned to silently scowling at her, it was apparently the only source of rebellion he had left. Honestly just who the hell did she think she was anyway? Practically kidnapping him away from that worthless sensei of his, cutting him up, beating the crap out of him. All that was all normal enough for a Shinobi he supposed, but she kept making it so weird!

Between the cutting, the licking, and that strange look she had in her eye whenever she stared at him he was seriously starting to get freaked out. If he didn't know any better he'd be worried she was going to try and eat him or something.

As if sensing his train of thought, Anko chimed in. "How's my little trainee doing? Still with me?"

"Yeah," he pouted.

"Awww," she cooed, picking up on his whiny tone. "Don't sound so sad, your cut healed up a while ago, and your eye's looking much better!"

"Gee, lucky me."

_**Twenty minutes earlier …**_

Naruto sauntered up to his favorite seat and plopped down, "Three super-sized orders of miso please!"

He chuckled at his own brilliance, but what else could you expect from Konoha's number one unpredictable ninja and prankster extraordinaire?

In truth it was a simple enough trick, but it had worked flawlessly on quite a few of the better Shinobi in the village, even the ANBU. Create one shadow clone, execute a simple yet masterful replacement, and high-tail it over to Ichiraku's for the early bird special. Not many Shinobi could create shadow clones with full personalities, and even fewer knew that he could. They never suspected a thing until the clone popped hours later.

In theory even if she figured it out there was no real danger. The moment the clone was dispelled its memories would race back to the original and he would know the gig was up, and it was time to hide like scared rat. That was the other reason his little escape technique worked so well, it had a built in early warning system.

Ayame turned around and greeted him with a wicked smile that looked totally out of place on the normally unassuming girl, "Well hello Naru-kun! I certainly didn't expect to see you here, especially not considering all the training you obviously still need! What do you think you a little deserter like you deserves hmmm?" she cooed, leaning over the counter and practically bumping her face into his.

The sudden invasion of his personal space and the surprisingly aggressive nature of brunette completely threw off whatever thoughts were running through Naruto's mind. "I uh…" he stammered, stumbling for something appropriate to say.

"Aww, snake got your tongue sweety? Or do just see something you like?" she teased, wiggling her chest with a wink.

Catching on, Naruto's eyes cast down almost against his will and straight down into Ayame's white button down blouse, which was suddenly missing a whole lot of buttons …

"Guh - _NO_! I mean _YES_! No wait, I mean _RAMEN_!" he blustered.

Ayame giggled again, "Don't worry sweetie, I know just what you need. Just give me one second to get it nice and _hot_ for you!"

Naruto watched the girl warily as she broke out a large iron pot and started preparing his meal, something about her was definitely not right, almost as if … "Nah, couldn't be."

Suddenly it occurred to Naruto that he hadn't even spoken a greeting with one of his favorite people in the entire world, "Hey old man, what's up?"

Teuchi was over on the far side of the stand not really doing anything, he chanced a momentary glance in Naruto's direction but seeing the blond's eyes on him immediately decided that something on the floor was far more interesting.

'Huh, w_hat the hell is wrong with him? If I didn't know any better I'd say that -_"

"Hey Naaaarruuu-kun! I got what you need right here!"

Naruto broke from his reverie just in time to see the bottom of Ayame's huge cast iron pot fill his vision with nothing but a dull, semi-smooth black surface.

_CLAAAAAANG!_

The sound Ayame's iron pot made as it careened of off Naruto's steel Hiaite was nothing short of magnificent. You only had to ask Naruto later on and he would have told you all about it, it was the first time he'd actually _seen_ a sound.

The overwhelming vibrations reverberated throughout Naruto's entire body, threatening to shatter his ear drums as his body flew out of the ramen stand. He nearly made all the way across the street and into the nearby building before slamming into the ground and grinding to a dusty halt in the coarse gravel.

Naruto had no idea how long he laid there in the streets before he came to, but knowing the bastard fox the way he did it was a hell of a lot less then it probably should have been. Still, he was a little surprised not to see the distinct off white of a hospital ceiling.

But what he did see as his eyes struggled back into focus shook the very core of soul. What was going on? "Ayame … why?" he whispered pitifully.

Ayame stared down on him with that same out of place predatory grin, "I already told you silly! Because you're a little fucking deserter!"

"Nani?!"

Fortunately for Naruto's already damaged psyche the pretty young brunette vanished in a puff of smoke, only to be replaced by someone who made a damaged psyche look like an ice cream sandwich and a backrub.

"Anko!"

"Anko-_SENSEI_," she corrected, picking her nails with a kunai that had most definitely not been there a moment ago.

"But … how?"

"But how - what?" she growled.

"Uh, b-but how, Anko-sensei?"

A wide grin broke out on her face, "I'm glad you asked. You see even though it's not in our official curriculum, I should tell you that a deserter has no friends, got it?"

With that she tugged the kunai over to her right and Naruto noticed that Teuchi was standing right behind her. The old man chanced another look over at Naruto before looking awfully guilty and returning his eyes back to the ground, much like before.

"Hey Teuchi, why don't you tell our little Naru-kun how I found him hmmmm?" Anko purred.

Teuchi tried the most pathetic look on Anko that he could muster but she was totally unmoved. With a sigh of defeat the man also vanished in a puff of smoke only to be replaced by --

"YOU TRAITOR!" Naruto roared.

"Look I'm sorry!" his cloned pleaded. "But you don't understand what she can do, I had to tell her!"

"But you're a clone! All you had to do was dispel yourself you idiot!"

"It wasn't that simple!"

"You're simple!"

"You weren't even there!"

"You're not even you, you're me!"

"You see?! You would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes!"

Anko watched the back and forth with increasing fascination. She'd known that the clone he left with her was advanced, but arguing with its own creator?

'Holy shit I think the clone is winning. _What the hell kind of shadow clones are these? If they're this detailed mentally I wonder how detailed … Oh no they couldn't … Oh hell yes they could! Anko sweety, you just hit the freakin' jackpot! So much training, so little time! I gotta get this kid alone._'

"Look I don't mean to interrupt this touching scene or anything, but we've got some training to get back too. So why don't you just dispel your little friend here and we can get going."

Naruto scowled at them both and resolutely crossed his arms in defiance. The clone looked crest fallen, "Boss please don't look at me like that! I didn't have a choice!"

"Yes you did."

The teary eyed copy knelt down next to him and placed its hands on his creator's shoulder. "No I didn't, she … did things to me," it whispered.

A slow look of apprehension spread across Naruto's face, "Like what?" he managed, a split second before Anko's kunai mercifully pierced its brain.

The traumatic memories slammed into Naruto's head a second later and he gasped in horror. "Oh my Kami, what the hell is wrong with you? That's sick, he was just a clone! He was only following orders!"

"Aww, don't be upset my little Naru-kun. We're gonna make our own memories."

"You wouldn't …"

_**Present …**_

"I think this will do nicely, don't you?"

Naruto inspected the surroundings, yep, still in the forest. "I guess."

"Take off your shirt."

"What?! I'm not taking off my shirt!"

"Listen here gennin, I didn't spend seven minutes planning out this entire exercise just so you could go and fuck it all up by being a prude!"

"Well _TOO BAD, SO SAD!_ I don't give a damn about your –"

The kunai whizzed past his face so quickly that the contact didn't even register, he could only blink in surprise and replay the scene in his mind trying to understand what he just saw. "Wha - gah! Quit doing that!"

"Oh but Naru-kuuuuun," she purred seductively in his ear. "I just can't help myself, whenever you disobey I'm over come with the urge to … taste you."

A bolt of lightning ran straight down his spine and settled into his stomach to stay there and do cartwheels while Anko's ever more familiar tongue dragged itself across the new razor sharp wound he knew he must have.

Blue eyes went wide as saucers as he realized what was happening … _again. _'_When the hell did she get behind me? And I'm not done yelling at h-her am I? And just what the hell does she think she's do - uw -uw -UW_!'

"Oh D-damn … Anko, w-what are you -"

"Anko-_sensei_," she hissed, grinding up against him hard.

"Ah-Ah, Anko-s-sensei. W-what are you doing?" he stammered, grabbing onto the soft feminine hands that were now clasped around his torso. If he honestly felt like he had even a fraction of the strength required to break her grip he would have tried, but it seemed like every time she did this to him his limbs turned traitor and staunchly refused to obey commands. He wondered faintly if he could even fight off Konohamaru in this condition … probably not.

"Kami, you're so sweet and spicy at the same time …" she sighed contentedly, savoring the bitter flavor that she realized she could only associate with him.

'_Kami I never realized how much I missed his blood since that first time. It has to be the fuckin fox doesn't it?_' she wondered.

He turned his head, trying to get a glimpse of the woman that was literally overpowering him with her tongue. "What are you --"

"Ssshhhh, you disobeyed an order Naru-kun, so now you have to pay the price…" Her talented tongue went back to work, taking one last luxurious stroll along his cheek for a taste of that sweet, sweet blood, before strolling back and going to work on his tender earlobe. A soft, involuntary moan escaped Naruto's lips and his eyes fluttered back into his head as the new sensation overwhelmed his senses.

'_Perfect._' Anko purred her approval into his ear, sending the overwhelmed blond even farther over the edge and away from reality just like she wanted. She took the opportunity run her hands up and down his young, almost nubile male body, much to her fingertip's delight. It was just absolutely gorgeous the way he shuttered and moved with her hands and hips.

The gyrations he was using to grind into her were already making Anko all hot and bothered, and she thought she was the one who supposed to be seducing him! How could such an innocent creature do that? It was like once his mind shut the hell up his body was some kind of genius!

'_So that's how it is eh? The files did say he wasn't a book learner, but his body seems to know just what to do. Should have figured seeing the stock he comes from. Kami I knew it.'_

She realized with a snort that it was almost poetic, if the blond was even halfway in control of his mind right now he'd no doubt be fighting her tooth and nail. But by shutting his irritating little brain down and going straight to his body he was '_learning_' whatever she wanted him too. Anko had to bite back a laugh at the irony of it all. Here she was trying to seduce a young man whom she was supposed to be teaching to resist seduction, except she'd never meet a straight man (Kami he'd better be straight!) that wanted less to do with hot, random members of the opposite sex!

At least on the surface. There was a story there, and no doubt a piece of the boy's incognito libido as well, she was sure of it.

Yet because of the way his mind and body worked together, or rather the way they refused to have anything at all to do with each other, he was perhaps more vulnerable to seduction techniques then any man she'd ever meet! Naruto could scream and rant about how he didn't want anything to do with her all he wanted, all it took was a light touch on any old erogenous zone, or any zone for that matter, and his body completely took over and he was putty in her hands.

Clearly, intense immersion therapy was required here.

He was so caught up in her trance that it barely even registered when Anko's lithe hands slid around his torso and eased down the zipper on his jacket to let the orange monstrosity fall away. It was nothing but a breeze in a hurricane when her blade slit the black tee shirt off of his tanned and tone body. So lost in the feelings she was giving him that he wouldn't have noticed it if a cloud nin kicked him in the gut and poked him in the eye. But he sure as hell did notice when she left!

Almost crying out at the sudden lack of contact Naruto jolted back to reality and took stock of his surroundings. He whipped his head around so fast he nearly hurt himself as he checked the spot she'd occupied only a moment before. "What - What did you … holy crap!"

Anko was barely able to suppress her laughter watching his expressions. It seemed like as soon as one settled in it was thrown out as he realized something new about his situation, or perhaps remembered what she just did to him?

"What did you do to my cloths!" he demanded, pointing an accusing finger.

"Your clothes? Why I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about Naru-kun," she replied.

"Yes you do!" he accused, an angry blush lighting his whiskered cheeks. "And that was my last orange jacket too, they don't even make those anymore!"

"Really?"

"Yes really!"

"That's too bad, and I was so looking forward to cutting the rest of them off of you too …"

Naruto immediately looked stricken, "Cut? No, no! You didn't cut my jacket off! You unzipped it, I remember!"

Anko nodded with a wistful expression on her face, "Yeah I did, but then I took a second look at it and sent a clone off to go burn it. Orange is a really bad color for a ninja ya know? Don't worry, you'll thank me later!" she said cheerfully.

"No!"

"Yup."

"NO!"

Just then the distinctive sound of a fire jutsu exploding somewhere in the distance echoed through the clearing.

"fraid so sweetie."

"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Naruto bolted forward with everything had, racing at her like a speeding train and just as deadly. The anger and loss poured off of his body as waves of red chakra, stolen from his prisoner thanks to his heightened emotional state. Out of nowhere a fully formed Rasengan appeared in his right hand and he instinctively took aim at the heart of his tormentor.

"_I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR THAAAA_- WHOAAAAAA!"

His entire body flooded with an emergency dose of adrenaline as his powerful legs kicked out forward and dug into the hard earth in a desperate attempt to halt his forward motion. Huge chunks of earth were torn up and flung in every direction as his arms waved around wildly trying to keep his last second braking maneuver going, the deadly ball of energy he was maintaining fading away to the nothingness that he conjured it from.

Skidding, kicking, flailing and lunging Naruto felt his movement finally come to end, though he was now about knee deep in the earth. Peeking open a pair of closed blue eyes he found himself face to face with one very nasty looking viper. Its scales were as black as a new moon, and its slitted green eyes gazed at him hungrily, but what really caught his attention was the wide open mouth, and the two inch long fangs, dripping with poison…

He was, give or take, about three inches from a most painful death.

"I like the energy, but this isn't that kind of training blondie."

Naruto chanced a look up to see the smiling face of his new sensei holding the viper like it was any old rusty knife. He forced a nervous grin onto his face. "Too much?"

Anko nodded in confirmation, letting the snake vanish in a puff of smoke.

Naruto let out a huge sigh of relief, he hadn't even realized until just then that he was holding his breath. "Uh … sorry about that," he mumbled.

"Why? I thought it was kinda hot, if a bit clumsy," she remarked casually, ignoring the look of shock on his face. She stalked to the other side of the clearing with a deliberate sway in her hips, that should help put him in the right frame of mind. Once she reached a sufficient distance she faced him again, oh yeah, she had his attention again. She let her razor sharp eyes roll over her temporary student.

A touch of innocence to corrupt? Check.

Wild blond hair falling everywhere? Check.

Sharp, azure blue eyes? Check.

Six pack abs? Check. Ah ha, make that an eight pack! Double check.

A light sheen of sweat and a heaving chest? Check.

A taste of needless violence?

"_Check and check. Kami-sama, I think I've already ruined these panties! Guh, why the hell did I wear these in the first place? Oh Yondi-kun I wish you could see me now. I've got a good sixteen years of pent up sexual frustration for you and I'm finally going to get some release! But don't worry, I may be an insatiable nymphomaniac and an incorrigible bitch but I recognize my own when I see them. I'm gonna take good care of your baby boy. By the time I'm done with him he'll properly trained in every sense of the word._"

Naruto shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, she was doing that look again! "Uh, Anko-sensei?"

Her eyes snapped back to reality and locked onto his, her grin twisting ever so slightly. "Naru-kun, you may not realize it but your training has already begun."

He didn't seem to believe her. "It has? I thought you were just messing with me."

"I was doing that too," she chuckled, enjoying his confused frown.

"Uh, how am I doing so far?"

"You failed, miserably I might add."

"B-But I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing!" he sputtered.

She reached into her jacket and pulled out a thick binder, opening it for a moment to thumb through the pages. "You know what this is Naru-kun?"

"Should I?"

"Probably," she replied, snapping it shut and holding the thing out so he could read the large black letters printed across the front.

"Resistance - Training - For - Complete - Idiots - 3rd Edition. Hey! I'm not a complete idiot!"

"Yeah, me neither." The binder flew in a surprisingly graceful arc for being what it was, smacking the surface of the water in the nearby stream with a satisfying splat. It stayed afloat for a moment, but quickly succumbed to the watery depths.

Naruto wondered briefly if the binder got off easy, '_Lucky bastard, take the easy way out and drown why don't you._'

Figuring she'd just fish him out of the water he abandoned that escape plan, there'd be others. "So, what are we supposed to do now?"

"Simple, we do it my way. That stupid ass little binder just goes to show you how far we've fallen in this kind of training, and I've never been much of by the book kunoichi anyway. Trust me Naru-kun, you stick with me and you're gonna get an education that'll _blow - your - mind_."

Something in Naruto's mind flashed back to moment that he realized his jacket and shirt were suddenly missing, and that he couldn't recall the events of the 3 minutes prior to that. It was then that he truly started to panic.

"Are you ready to begin?" she asked coyly.

Not trusting his voice just then Naruto only gulped and nodded his head.

"Good. You should be at least somewhat familiar with this first lesson, it's the bell test."

Naruto felt his body relax a bit, the bell test? Sweet! Maybe this wouldn't so bad after all. But wait, wasn't that a team exercise? Bah, no matter. His eyes roamed her body, a very … feminine body he noted a little nervously.

"Ah, Anko-sensei, you're not wearing any bells."

Just then a breeze blew through the little clearing they were standing in, and her long brown duster swayed in the wind. For a brief moment he was reminded of one of those '_movies_' he'd seen over at Hinata's house once. They were the richest clan in the village and could afford this amazing new thing called a televiton or something like that.

It seemed like the good guys and the bad guys always faced off in the end in some breezy street just like this one before the final battle.

And then he heard it, the muffled ding of a bell coming from somewhere on Anko-sensei's person.

She smirked confidently at the questioning look that crossed his face. "See? I'm wearing the bells, and now you only have to retrieve them."

"B-But where are they?"

Her smirk morphed once more into that full out grin that scared the living crap out of him. "That's for me to know, and you to find out."

Realization hit Naruto like a sledgehammer and he lost three shades of color. "T-This isn't going to be like my last b-bell test is it?"

"The one with Kakashi? Shit I hope not."

"Oh boy."

"Oh boy indeed, my little _Naru-kun_."

-----

**Authors notes:** How did Anko actually manage to capture, torture, and scare a shadow clone so bad it refused to dispel and turned on its master? Honestly I have no idea, that I leave to your imagination, but if I know her it was just as hot as it was disturbing.

And yes, I'm hammering Sasuke a bit here, but it's all in good fun so Sasuke backers don't get upset!

6/6/09 - Minor update, just cleaning up some dialog and a some grammer.


	3. Anko's Bells

**Disclaimer: All your base are belong to Kishimoto  
**_Mature Content / AU_**  
**_Please check my bio and read my manifesto before flaming, thanks!_

Resistance Training

Chapter 3 - Anko's Bells

-----

For perhaps the first time in his life, Naruto could honestly say he had no idea what to do. It was just _so wrong_ on so many levels.

The maniacal woman standing in front of him wearing a long coat and little else simply had him that rattled. As they had been all afternoon, the majority of his instincts were telling him to run like the wind and for the love of Kami, don't look back! But what could he do? He'd already tried escaping and all that got him was up close and personal with the bottom of Ayame's oversized cast iron pot.

A pot that _he bought her_, by the way. It was the biggest one he could find at this ridiculously huge military surplus outlet team 7 happened upona few years back in Grass country. His teammates teased him the entire way back, told him he looked like a fashion challenged Quasimodo lost in the forest with the way he strapped the pot to his back. Bastards. He didn't care though, he knew that the glorious vessel on his back was one of the few in existence that could actually make an entire meal for him in one batch, and that was saying something. The only things even remotely close to the size of his ramen pot were Ayame's eyes when she first saw it. When the cute brunette asked how big it was and he simply responded, "It's Naruto Sized!"

He was right, it had to be with how bad getting hit by it hurt.

Plus, old man Teuchi and Ayame had both seemed awfully upset about being tied up, gagged, and stuffed into the meat locker in the back of the shop as part of Anko's takeover. He apologized profusely to the pair as he brushed away the accumulated ice and ripped off the long strips of duck-tape as fast as he could, but they still seemed to hold him partially accountable for some reason. Something about "Bringing the crazies down on their heads."

One odd thing he noticed was that Anko wasn't very good at tying people up, at least not for an experienced shinobi. For some reason she'd placed several strips of the sticky tape on places that wouldn't do anything at all to bind pair, like the big one she placed straight down the middle of Teuchi's hairy back. '_Ewwwww_.' Or the one she put on Ayame's head.

That was when he got the black eye by the way. Ayame had one mean left hook for a prep cook. Needless to say it didn't look like he'd be eating much ramen anytime soon, and it was all Anko's fault!

But none of that mattered now, Naruto Uzumaki didn't run away from anything and that was that. Perhaps not the wisest of policies, but nindo's were as nindo's did … or something like that. And it wasn't like she was _that bad_. Sure she said hello by slashing his face open with a kunai, but then she always followed it up with a friendly licking of the face.

Maybe she was part Inuzuka?

At least she always smiled at him, that was nice for a change. It sure would be nice if Sakura would smile at him from time to time. He just wished Anko wouldn't eye him from head to toe like a blond Dango stick while she did it. It reminded him too much of the way a lioness would smile at its prey if lioness's were prone to that sort of thing. It was also strangely violating somehow … kind of like that level 4 physical he had last year.

_Shutter_.

Blue eyes started darting around the clearing, flashbacks of latex gloves dancing in his head. '_Kami there has to be a way out here, there has to be!_' His lack of initiative wasn't lost on his scantily clad and maniacally grinning sensei.

"Problem?" she asked silkily.

Naruto sounded just as flustered as he was, "Uh … no, no! Everything's great. Am I like, supposed to attack you now or something?"

"My, my, and here I haven't even said start yet. Getting a bit anxious to start?"

"N-No!" Naruto sputtered, turning redder by the second.

"It's Ok Naru-kun, I like that." She gave a moment for the words to have their desired effect, and if Naruto's increasingly helpless expression was any indication they'd done their job beautifully.

"But as far as rules go," she cooed, "There are only two. The first is no attacking jutsu allowed, for you at least. We wouldn't want you missing the point of our little game now would we? The second is my personal favorite however … every time I kiss those sweet lips of yours you have to take off a piece of clothing!"

"What?!"

"I know, I'm excited too!" Anko laughed.

"Yeah but how is this supposed to help my -- _mmmfff_!"

Before he even realized what was happening Anko was in front of him and kissing him passionately. He felt a pair of small calloused hands grab his head and tilt it sideways as she deepened the forceful kiss. He immediately froze up and resisted the contact, a million and one panicky thoughts racing through his mind.

How did she move so fast?

Was this really training?

Why was his leg twitching?

Ye Gods! How could anyone's tongue get all the way around …

Any further thoughts went fuzzy and his already pathetic objections melted when her tongue forced its way between his lips and started massaging his. Forgetting exactly why he was here or why in the name of all that was holy would he want to push her away, Naruto grabbed a hold of the older woman and relaxed into her assault. His mouth stopped resisting hers and his own tongue went to work trying to return the incredible feelings she was giving him.

Anko felt his reciprocation and moaned gently, prodding Naruto even further as he actually pushed back against her body. She could feel the heat starting to pour off his body as their position was beginning to turn from one of her kissing him to being one of him kissing her. Sensing the danger of losing control she fought back the urge to pull him on top of her body just to revel in the feeling of his taunt frame pushing down on hers with all of that delicious heat and need …

'_Control yourself Anko, he needs to rape you, not the other way around. Too much paperwork if you rape him. Oh, and don't forget that training thing either._'

Anko finally broke the kiss, pulling the blond's head away from hers and watching his face. His eyes were closed and lips still puckered, she almost had the impression that he might not be aware they had parted but she knew better. That thought was proven true as those piercing blue eyes she loved so much fluttered open and his puckered lips stretched into a goofy smile.

"That," he mumbled, "that was -"

"A kiss."

Naruto blinked his eyes dreamily, "Yeah."

Anko smacked him across the face, not hard but more than enough to break him out of his pleasure induced la-la land. A look of surprise mixed with fear took over his face and he brought his hands up to his mouth.

"_YOU KISSED ME!"_

Anko accepted his accusation with her trademark grin. "Hmmm, you're right I did. But if memory serves you sure didn't complain about it now did you?"

Naruto looked as guilty as a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "But - But I was saving myself for Sakura-chan!"

"Really now?" Anko asked impressed. No wonder he was being such a bitch about this. "Well that explains a lot. You know there aren't a lot of guys like you around these days, most men are no better than a dog with bone when confronted with a beautiful woman like myself. I respect that Naruto, I really do."

"You do?"

"You bet, shows you're a stand up type of guy," Anko nodded seriously. "A real keeper."

Naruto felt his chest puff out and pride swell in his heart. Finally, someone noticed! On top of that, it sounded like this crazy bitch actually understood that he already had a girlfriend! Well, not officially of course. Officially she couldn't stand his very existence and reacted violently to any sudden reminders that he was standing, sitting, lying down, hanging from a tree, or apparently existing anywhere near her person.

'_Weird, that sounded a lot worse in my head than it is in real life. Sakura-chan's not that bad is she?'_

No of course not, Naruto was pretty sure that was just a cover, she was just shy that's all. He was knew that Sakura was going to come around eventually, she had to! He made sure to present her with daily reminders of his undying love, and then she presented him with daily tests of his devotion. Usually it was something along the lines of a tragically one sided beat down, but Naruto was a trooper of course and he always bore the good natured abuse with a smile.

Though secretly he wished she would try something a little more original once and a while. Was there anything so wrong with a nice game of Shogi? A race? Thumb-war? Did it always have to be a beating? Hell, hadn't that pink haired harpy ever heard of damn scavenger hunt!

'_Whoa there boy, that's angry Naruto talking, and nobody likes angry Naruto. Simmer down now, no need to get upset. Anko-sensei gets it now, she just said so. There's nothing at all to be worried about, she's most definitely not coming on to you._'

That realization was a huge relief to Naruto, he was really starting to get worried that Anko wanted more from him than the standard teacher-student relationship. He felt like a gigantic weight was lifted off of his shoulders.

"Thanks Anko-sensei, I really needed to hear that," he said smiling easily. When she returned the affectionate expression he sighed in relief.

"No problem kiddo. Now take off your pants."

"_WHAT?!_"

"You know you've been saying that a lot lately, you might want to start paying more attention to what we're doing here. I kissed you … therefore you lose an article of clothing.

-----

"Lady Tsunade!"

"Gaaa, Pfffffttttt!"

Tsunade nearly choked on the expensive imported sake she was _attempting _to enjoy, and was instead forced to spit the precious liquid all over her newest cabana boy. This really pissed her off for at least three solid reasons, the first was alcohol abuse, the second was cabana boy abuse, and last but definitely not least was that said boy had stopped what he was doing!

"Damn it Shizune, I told you I was not to be bothered for the next hour! You do know how long an hour is don't you?"

Shizune looked absolutely scandalized, "_Lady Tsunade_! That is not what your personal ANBU are for!"

Tsunade waved a dismissive hand, "Whatever. The Hokage's feet hurt, and unlike some of her other subordinates, Dorei-san here actually cares about his Hokage's podiatric health." She turned back to her masked foot massager and smiled, "Don't you Dorei-san?"

The ANBU kneeing in front of Tsunade and holding her foot raised his head to look at her. He wore a mostly white mask with a large crooked nose that was painted to look like some kind of demented clown, its face forever twisted into a terrifying grin. It actually reminded her of Anko's smile that way. There was of course no way to know what kind of facial expressions the man was truly making but if Shizune had to guess she'd bet the man inside was a lot less satisfied with his job than his mask appeared to be.

"Lady Tsunade that's not fair, he's not going to argue with you."

"Baa, don't be such a killjoy. He loves his job, look, he's smiling!"

Shizune could already feel the sweat accumulating on her brow, "That's a painting on his mask!"

Tsunade huffed in irritation and blew a few strands of stray hair out of her face. "Fine! If you're so hell bent on seeing me hobbled as a young Hokage," she turned toward Dorei and winked, "Dorei-san, you're dismissed."

With an almost imperceptible nod the man replaced Tsunade's shoe (prompting an eye roll from her assistant) and vanished in a swirl of leaves. Tsunade spun her chair back around to face forward again and frowned, "There, are you happy now? All joy has left the room." She hated acting like the Hokage sometimes, didn't people understand that Kage's were people too?

Shizune was about to snap back with something about duty and honor but stopped herself, no, she was not going to let the cagey blond side track her this time! She shot a glare at Tsunade and held up a scroll in her tiny hand, "And just what is this?"

"How the hell should I know, you just brought it in here," Tsunade replied smoothly. She tried not to laugh as her assistant turned red. Tsunade knew exactly what the hell that was. In fact she'd been waiting for this for half the day now. It figured on the timing though.

"This," Shizune blurted out pointing at the little scroll, "is the mission assignment you gave to Anko Miterashi this morning! And do you _know_ what it says?"

Maybe it was the sake, but Tsunade was fighting a losing battle on the whole keeping a straight face thing. Ok, it was definitely the sake, but she was a trooper and did her best to look shocked, "Why I have no idea –"

"You gave Naruto-kun to her!" Shizune blurted out, she even stomped her foot for emphasis.

"So what?" she asked innocently. "She's perfectly qualified and he needed the training. What are you so worried she's going to do?"

"You know exactly what!" Shizune snipped.

Tsunade simply shrugged. "Ummm, nope. Sorry, drawing a big blank here."

"She'll do … you know …_ THINGS_ to him! Bad things!" Shizune moaned, making some kind of wild and vague gestulations in the air.

The wide back and forth motion did it. Tsunade burst out laughing and doubled over behind her desk, she just couldn't hold it in anymore watching Shizune's ridiculous gestures. This only served to upset the brunette further who proceeded to blush and stomp her foot on the floor again.

"Lady Tsunade stop it, you're making fun of me!"

Several minutes later Tsunade gathered herself up and managed to hold the laughter down to a few chuckles before trying to address her longtime companion. "Look, he'll be fine," she giggled. "I like Anko and she seemed very ... enthusiastic about this assignment. It's a lot more than I can say for the last girl."

Shizune looked crestfallen, "Oh I'll bet she was _enthusiastic_, she's probably out there right now just … wait, what did happen to the regular girl? I just saw her in room 320 recovering from –"

"Training accident."

"Training accident? How did she get hurt like that giving resistance training?"

"She has a big mouth," Tsunade shrugged, looking around the room to avoid eye contact.

Shizune was dumbstruck, "What do mean '_she has a big mouth_'?"

"Look, we're getting off track here," Tsunade said, suddenly getting serious. No need for her nosey little assistant to go digging around into things that didn't concern her. "You're worried about Naruto right? Well don't be because I'm not, this isn't even a combat assignment, it's resistance training. There's no chance of anyone getting hurt, OK?"

Shizune quirked her head to one side, there were seventeen broken ribs, a high grade concussion, and a cracked jaw in room 320 that seemed to say otherwise. Although she was still a bit mystified as to how that could have happened during resistance training she filed the question away for later. "Yeah but are you sure? Anko's just so advanced for someone like Naruto. Couldn't you find another girl?" she asked hopefully.

Tsunade sighed, why did everyone have to question her judgment all the damn time? She wondered for a split second what it would be like to be Garra, _nobody_ back talked that crazy bastard. Well, nobody but Naruto. That at least would be pretty much the same as she had it here, but she'd bet the rest of his day went a lot quieter than hers did.

'_Hokage-sama, this simply will not do!'_ Squish.

'_Hokage-sama, we have to talk!' _Splat.

'_Hakage-sama, the council demands your presence!_' Crunch.

Shizune watched in mild fascination as Tsunade's face lit up bit by bit, it was like she was lost in her own little dream land of happiness. "Lady Tsunade, are you just going to sit there and ignore me all day?"

The blond Hokage shook her head and locked eyes with her impatient assistant. '_Crunch._'

Shizune raised an eyebrow, "Why are looking at me like that?"

Tsunade sighed and pretended like she didn't hear the question. "Shizune, to be quite honest I couldn't find anyone else willing, they're all afraid of the ... you know."

Shizune gasped and covered her mouth, nodded her head in understanding. "Didn't you tell them there's nothing to be afraid of?"

Tsunade nodded.

"But they're kunoichi! How could they not understand?" she asked, tears starting to form at the edges of her eyes. "He doesn't deserve that, he's so pure. Anyone with half a brain can see he's not that thing!"

Tsunade quirked an eyebrow, yeah sure the kid had it tough, blah, blah, blah. That was old news. Hell, if the blond turd-ball didn't let himself get down about there wasn't much use in getting upset despite him. Was Shizune just being hormonal or something? "Shizune, it's Ok."

"No it's not! Those bitches don't deserve to know him if that's how they think. I would never do that to him, if he needed training then I'd do whatever it took to help him reach his dream," she said sadly.

_BINGO. _

A big cheshire cat grin spread across Tsunade's face and she strummed her fingers across her grand desk happily. Shizune sensed the mood shift and gave her Hokage a questioning look. "What?"

"I see what's going on here," she grinned. "You wanted to be the one to give our little Naru-kun his resistance training. Shizune you dirty little girl, I didn't know you had it in you!"

Shizune blushed furiously. "What, no I just - Naruto-kun isn't the - help, he needed help!"

Tsunade raised her hand, "I know, I know, he really is turning out to be quite the attractive young man isn't he? I tell you what, I'll make sure you're scheduled for his next level 4 physical Ok? Just don't say I don't ever do anything for you."

"Eeeeep!" Shizune squealed. The brunette ran out of Tsunade's office as fast as her legs would carry her. The Hokage waited until she actually got outside before belting out in laughter.

Pulling out a new medical requisition form she started filling it in. '_Kami, I really am a dirty old woman aren't I? Speaking of which, how the hell did Shizune get in here in the first place?_'

That thought brought a frown to her face. Normally during her '_foot rubs_', her ANBU guards would ensure her relaxation time wasn't disturbed. But for some reason Dorei's partner hadn't done his job and run interference.

The little prick.

-----

"But you already took my jacket and my shirt, I'm halfway stripped already!"

"Wow, that's some tough luck there kiddo. Now hurry up and make with the naked."

"I'm not getting naked! You said pants, and I've still got my underwear and my shoes and my headband!"

"Awww, you wore underwear?" Anko pouted.

"Y-Yes I wore underwear," Naruto blustered. "Didn't you?"

Blue eyes widened in fear, Naruto couldn't believe he just asked that question. It was like it wasn't even him, an outer body experience while someone else took over and blurted out that terrible perversion. In fact he was already planning on using that as his defense when she moved to kill him for daring to yell out something like that. Anko was definitely not like any woman he knew so it was hard to say exactly how she would react, but if she was anything like the other women he knew … he was dead meat. Kami knew Sakura would --

'_Oh shit! Sakura! Why would I … I still love Sakura don't I? Sure she's mean and she beats the crap out me but Anko cuts me so that's even worse! Just because I want to see Anko-sensei's delicious little fur burger and slide my -- Whoa. That's a bad sign._'

Anko grinned and moved her brown coat aside, giving Naruto a full view of her body underneath. She was pleased to see his expression blank and his eyes roam her body like a man in the desert eyed water. She wondered idly if he would notice the first bell now that it was right in front of him.

The purple haired kunoichi wiggled her eyebrows and let her let her fingers ghost the bottom hem of her short skirt. Naruto meet her eyes in boyish shock, showing he understood her silent tease. She hooked a finger under the fabric and tugged a little, drawing it up and exposing an extra inch of leg.

His eyes shot back down to her taunting hands and then back up again. His breathing had picked up she saw, and he was acting like he was afraid to look down at that part of her body even though she was obviously daring him to do just that.

She was again taken aback by how innocent he really was … and it was really starting to make her juices flow.

"Catch me if you can," Anko winked, before disappearing into the forest. "And leave the pants!" her voice carried back.

"What the … damn it!" Naruto growled. Against his better judgment he tore off his pants leaving himself covered dressed in nothing more than his boxers, forehead protector, and sandals. A deal was a deal, and Naruto wasn't one to go back on his word.

Stupid nindo.

"Get back here psycho!"

A kunai appeared as if by magic and cut a shallow slice into Naruto's cheek. "_Gah!_ Sensei! I meant Psycho-sensei!"

-----

Sakura stomped along with her ever growing scowl.

She had no idea what was coming over her, this was just so out of character! Sure she was a little bitchy sometimes, she wasn't too proud to admit that. Hell, any girl who'd started their cycle would admit to that at least once a month, and who could blame them?

She barely suppressed an evil cackle at that thought of any of her useless teammates bleeding out the ends of their --

"Sakura wait up!"

"Fucking Sasuke," she muttered, to low for him to hear.

Her hands slapped up against her mutinous mouth. '_There it is again! What the hell is wrong with me?_'

"What was that?" the raven haired boy asked, jogging up next to her.

"N-Nothing Sasuke-kun! I'm just mad at Naruto. Come on, let's go find the idiot and make sure that psychotic slu -- uh -- jounnin doesn't kill him," she managed, cursing her slip up.

Sasuke snorted. "No kidding, if anyone else kills him I'm out an upgrade."

"Wait, what did you just say?"

"I said if anyone else … milks him I'm going to be … outraged?"

"…"

"…"

"_WHAT_ did you just say?"

"Nothing."

"Good, that's what I thought I heard."

"Hn."

-----

"Ah ha!" Naruto screamed in triumph.

It had been no easy task but he'd finally gotten a hold of the slippery snake woman, and not a moment too soon. He was already down a sandal. Currently Anko was struggling half heartedly in-between two of his shadow clones, each of them holding onto one of her arms and trapping her hands to prevent hand signs.

It was the half heartedness that was making him wary.

But the way things were going he decided to just go for it, who knew how many other chances he was going to get at this? Much longer and he'd be streaking buck naked all the way home, and he was really hoping to keep the forehead protector.

There was a lot more fabric than most people realized on those things, though if it came down to it he'd already sworn to himself that he'd never tell Iruka-sensei _exactly_ what he'd tied the keep-sake around. Shaking his head slightly Naruto cast those thoughts aside and set his mind to the task at hand.

Naruto approached the questionably detained kunoichi very cautiously, wary of any traps or hidden weapons that he was sure might be sprung on him at any moment.

Anko could barely suppress a giggle. "What's the matter Naru-kun? Would you rather tie me up first?" Three identical pairs of blue eyes got as wide as dinner plates.

"N-No you don't!" The original stammered. "I'm not falling for your perverted tricks anymore!"

"Tricks?" Anko echoed innocently.

"Yes tricks! You've been trying to trick me into doing perverted things with you! You're up to something and we all know it!" The two clones on either side of her were nodding in agreement.

Anko lit up a grin that would make the devil proud. "No tricks Naru-kun, just training."

Naruto could only shake his head, "I don't even care what you're doing anymore, all I care about is that this little game of yours is over and I'm getting my cloths back."

With that he took a quick step forward, yanked open Anko's coat, and spotting a flash of silver grabbed the bell she had hidden on herself and gave it a quick tug.

"Oh fuck yes!" Anko practically screamed out.

Startled by her outburst and the fact that the bell didn't seem to leave her person, Naruto and both of his clones looked down.

"_Ho_ -"

"- _ly_"

"_Shit_," Naruto groaned, finishing his clone's thoughts. Time itself seemed to take a momentary reprieve, probably to go smoke a cigarette in honor of what it just saw.

In retrospect he figured he probably should had seen this one coming, but sadly he had to admit he never had a clue. But honestly how was he supposed to know? He was positive now that Anko's outfit was most definitely not legal. It couldn't be. Even though a small part of him that he liked to keep hidden from the world felt it should be.

They were simply magnificent.

Never in his short life had Naruto ever imagined something so utterly perfect could exist in this world as Anko Miterashi's breasts. Not even Naruko's measured up and that was saying something. Large and round, they stood out plump and proudly with nothing but a thin mesh shirt to hold them down. Each supple mound topped with the most perfect little pink nipples imaginable, nipples that were currently as hard as rocks, once more so than the other.

His groan was from the realization that suspended from each erect bud was a small silver bell, hanging by a simple cotton string. The reddest and puffiest of which was tied to the bell that was currently resting in his hand.

Naruto could already feel his brain starting to get fuzzy.

Anko cackled internally, she couldn't have planned this out any better. Those gorgeous blue eyes of his were already starting to glaze over again, a sure sign of his body taking over and a promise that she was going to get exactly what she wanted. It was enough to nearly make the war hardened veteran squeal in girlish delight. In just a few more seconds she'd have that dirty little blond secret she'd been dreaming about for all these years!

Well, masturbated too at least. Damn she loved those eyes! Now all he needed was one little extra push, and her libido's favorite suggestion nearly made her swoon.

"Oh fuck Naruto," she hissed in only partially faked pain, "Look at what you just did, look how fuckin red it is! Did you do that on purpose you perverted little bastard? Is that what you like?"

"What?! N-No! I mean yes! Wait, I mean no! I didn't mean to -- holy crap I'm so sorry, you have to believe me!" Naruto pleaded in a mounting panic.

Anko grimaced as jolts of pleasure and pain racked through her body. The little bastards wild gestulations weren't helping the situation much but they sure were interesting! But as much as she enjoyed a little nipple torture that was just an appetizer. Now it was time to head for the main course.

"Then get the damn thing off of me before it does some permanent damage," she groaned. Naruto immediately let go of the bell and started to try and untie the string from Anko's tortured nipple.

"Not like that, massage it first!" she snapped.

"I have to what?" Naruto was starting to look so flustered that he might pass out. Anko sincerely hoped he didn't, what a waste of a setup that would be.

"I said massage it, just grab my tit by the base and knead it like it's a big piece of dough. That damn string cut off the circulation."

"_Are you kidding me?!_" the freaked out blond roared.

"Do you want me to lose my nipple or something you sick bastard?!" Anko screamed back.

Naruto felt like he was having an outer body experience, not only was he staring at his first set of up close breasts ever, now he had to massage them! He was sure beyond a shadow of doubt that he would have passed out with a massive nose bleed already if this wasn't a medical emergency. In fact, he was having some serious trouble even categorizing what was happening. Did this even count as a sexual experience? He was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to, but his growing erection was confusing the shit out of him.

"Nooooo," he whined.

"Then start kneading!"

Doing as he was instructed, Naruto took a firm grasp of Anko's breast and tried his best to blink away the insanity of what was happening, then he started massaging it as best he could. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't help but marvel at the feel of soft flesh between his fingers.

'_Oh Kami that feels sooooo good! So soft!_'

Anko was really starting to moan now, and Naruto was entering the first stages of a anxiety attack. "Oh Kami, am I hurting you again? Am I doing it wrong?"

"No you're doing it perfectly, it feels muuuuch better than before," she moaned. "Now get the knot off my nipple."

"Ok," Naruto replied shakily, moving his hands toward the knot and her now angry red nipple.

"Don't stop massaging!" she barked. Naruto's hands went back to work in the blink of an eye.

"But then how am I supposed to get the knot loosened? I can't do it with one hand!"

Anko grinned but managed to make it look like a pained grimace, "You can't use your fingers anyway, you'd just hurt me more. The only thing that'll loosen that knot is saliva, you have to use your mouth."

Naruto immediately sported a healthy nose bleed along with the second stage of his anxiety attack. "Hey! Gentle on the dough kneading!"

"B-But I can't put my mouth on your -- I can't! It's not right, it's perverted I know it! Oh man Tsunade is gonna kill me for sure!" the blond wailed. "I've done a lot things to a lot of sensei but this is waaaaaay out of bounds!" Anko filed that bit away for later, there had to be some great stories in there somewhere.

"Please Naruto, I promise I won't tell anyone what you did to me if just get this damn string off, it hurts so much!" Naruto couldn't have possibly looked more conflicted.

"Damn it boss, just do it you _fucking pussy_!"

Both Naruto and Anko both paused to look at the clone hanging off of Anko's left side. He had a massive nose bleed several times larger than Naruto and clad in nothing more than boxers (just as his creator was when the clone was manifested), his full salute was obvious to everyone, as was the wickedly animalistic gleam in his eyes. Even Anko raised an eyebrow.

The clone on the other side tsked, "Damn bro." Anko took the opportunity to strike like the snake she was.

"Quick, before he fucks us all!" she shouted, breaking the calmer clone's hold on her arm and pulling Naruto's face against her sore bud. It really was time to get that damn string off.

When Anko's engorged red nipple popped into his mouth he was more surprised than anything, and it nothing more than instinct that saw him give a gently suction to her warm flesh.

But when she shuttered slightly underneath the heat of his mouth, something clicked inside of him. All the worry, all the panic, and all of the fear simply melted away from him, and he could literally feel for the first time his body taking over and his mind shutting down.

'_I'm in the middle of forest, I'm practically naked, and I'm alone with a woman who just shoved 1 of the 2 greatest breasts of all time into my mouth with a directive to suck._'

And for the first time that he could ever remember, he decided to just fucking roll with it. Giving into his instincts Naruto lavished the perky little bud of flesh with his tongue, working it back and forth and molding tightly concentric circles to make sure he got every last bit as soaked as he could before giving his first hard suck.

"Oh fuck yes!" Anko growled in approval. "Don't stop massaging either."

Naruto's hands flew to both of her breasts, each one getting his attention as the pretense of medical necessity fell off the face of the earth. He alternated between soft and gentle strokes, and harder more insistent ones to gauge her reactions all the while never stopping on his appointed task of freeing her from the bell.

Naruto growled as he felt fingers running through his hair and gripping tightly. He was faintly aware of both his clones popping at the same time, their voyeuristic memories slamming into his already overheated mind and spurring him on even further. His intensity increased and Anko moaned lustily in response, whispering encouragement to her partner and massaging his blond locks.

Less than a minute later Anko was squirming almost uncontrollably against Naruto's persistent suction when she felt like a lightning bolt shot straight from her breast down through her toes. "Holy shit!" she gasped, grabbing onto his shoulder for support.

"Damn Naru, did you get the fucking bell?" she grunted out in between pants.

Naruto was in her face a moment later, wearing a half-lidded expression of ecstasy and with a bell and string dangling from his mouth. "You wan it?"

She snorted and grabbed the back of head, pulling him into a searing kiss that literally took his breath away. "Now get the other one." Naruto was on her other breast in the blink of an eye. This knot came off straight away as he hadn't accidently tightened it but he stayed where he was for several more minutes to make sure each side was given equal attention.

This bell he just spit on the ground as he stood up, and Anko rewarded him again with a healthy dose of tongue. They kissed this way for some time, he honestly couldn't tell you how long. A few seconds, minutes, an hour?

The next sensation he became aware of shocked him, as it was one of Anko's hands grasping his naked shaft firmly. Naruto gasped and looked down in wonder.

"How the hell did you do that?" Against all belief he was completely nude, his last sandal and boxers gone. That had to be the third time she'd removed clothing of his without him having noticed!

She chuckled darkly, "Looks like you've still got a long way to go Naru-kun." Naruto tried to question that rather vague statement but her finger on his lips stopped him. "Shhhh, questions later, training now."

The soft sounds of her hypnotic voice combined with the unbelievable sensations her of hand stroking up and down his skin was more than enough to blank his mind of any troublesome questions. Naruto leaned forward and groaned into her as she continued her ministrations.

Anko Miterashi was on cloud nine. She'd done it, she'd seduced the living shit out of her little blond fantasy, and now she was going to ride that horse for all it was worth. Literally. A true smile, and not one of her fearsome grins gently lit her striking features for the first time in a long time.

Nothing could possibly ruin this perfect moment.

-----

Dorei appeared on top of the Hokage's tower in a light crouch and surveyed the village below for unseen threats to his village's most important Shinobi. He tensed at the approach of another presence but relaxed when he recognized the other's chakra. He waited until the other man settled a few feet to his right.

"So where the fuck were you?" he asked flatly. It wasn't so much that he meant it flatly, it was simply the way ANBU spoke when they spoke at all. Between their masks and their constantly emotionless tones, opponents of the ANBU often wondered if they were fighting men or some breed of terrible machines.

"I got thirsty," came the equally monotone reply.

"Nice."

"What happened?"

"Shizune-san rescued me from my duties as the Hokage's foot masseur," Dorei replied. The two men sat in silence for a moment, continuing their vigil.

"Too bad," the other man finally offered, sipping his coffee.

Dorei nodded, "Hokage-sama was getting pretty sauced too."

His partner sighed. "She was probably going to show them to you then."

"I know." Dorei's comment induced another few minutes of observed silence which, again was broken by the other man.

"This doesn't mean I'm giving you my spot in the rotation you know."

"You're a dick, you know that?"

"I know. Want some coffee? I got two."

Dorei turned to his fellow ANBU and looked down at the cup of coffee that he didn't remember seeing there a moment ago. "Did you just clone that?"

-----

**Authors Notes:** Well, six months in between updates … oops. Sorry about that. Truth is I've been working on and off on this chap for some time and I never feel like I've got it right. I really need to make better use of beta's I guess. I honestly can't say I'm thrilled with this chapter but if I wait till I'm happy then it'll never get done so here you go, I hope you enjoy! As always, R&R. Oh, and recycle too, or something.


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